When It Doesn't Go Away
by MiHnn
Summary: Those feelings that they have, it's not leaving. And it should. It really should. Derek-centric
1. Chapter 1

**A/N - So... no idea where this came from. I have a basic idea in my head where this is going, yet at the same time, I don't. It's more of moments between Derek and Casey. The awkwardness. The feelings, thoughts and actions taken by them. In other words, this is full on angst. They will be short chapters, but please review anyway cos it just keeps pushing me to update, even when I'm uninspired..**

**So.. Enjoy! I beseech you.. :P**

******************

He's never been the jealous type. Scratch that. He's _always_ been the jealous type. It's in his blood. He's territorial. Proud. Hates something been taken away from him. But still, he never thought he'd ever get jealous over _her._

--- --- ---

He introduces her as his 'self-taught' step-sister (the one with the cooties) and no one questions him. They can see it too. The complete dislike they feel towards each other. Each eye roll, snide remark, or physical hurt they attempt on each other is not wrong. It's normal. They've been doing it for years. Since they were fifteen. Why quit now?

She shoves him. It wasn't un-called for. But still, he shoves back.

Her breathing was rapid, fierce. And he loved it when she got worked up. When she shoves him again, he's ready, grabbing her wrist, and smirking in her face. She hates it when he does that (bonus points). She pushes against him, but he holds firm. She wasn't stronger than him. In the battle between Jazz and hockey, hockey would win hands down.(It builds muscle)

"Ugh. I hate you." She snaps pushing him again.

He loses his balance before gaining it back. He smirks. "You've been saying that so many times, I doubt you mean it."

She rolls her eyes. "Of course I mean it. And if you haven't been acting like an ass this whole semester, I wouldn't have to keep saying it."

He's amused. "Who taught you to swear like that?" His fingers hold on to her wrists tighter. He didn't notice. He was too busy staring her down.

Her eyes flickered. "You did."

Those two words shouldn't have kicked him in the stomach, but it did. "I'm sorry to hear that." He whispers. And the kicker is, he _is_ sorry.

She gulps. He notices because she's so close. So _so_ close. They weren't supposed to stand this close. (She has cooties remember?)

She takes a step forward while his mind screams in panic. And logically he knows she can't get any closer. He leans forward, and again his brain just snaps. The words are lost in the haze, but he's pretty sure the word 'step-sister' gets tossed around a bit.

"Why did you do it?" She whispers. She's still _so_ close.

He should deny it. He's been denying it to everyone for so many days. Trying to save his rep and trying to kick her out of his apartment. But she was staring at him so earnestly, that he doesn't even notice the words forming until it's too late. "I don't know."

Her eyes widen. "I knew it."

He grips her wrist tighter, a final pledge to keep her from letting go. "You did?"

Her eyes narrow. "This time you went too far."

"Did I? In my opinion, I did you a favour."

Her jaw tightened. "Some favour." She leaned close (if that's possible) and sneered. "Let me go."

He leaned even closer. "No."

She was against him. He couldn't remember the last time they stood this way. Skin to skin. Breath to breath. He was suffocating. The words 'forbidden fruit' materializes in his mind and it has nothing to do with the fact that his gaze had fallen to her lips (he hopes). The turmoil going on in his head compares to nothing he's ever experienced before. It was all senses to him. He could see her, feel her, touch her. But still, that didn't seem enough. She could never be enough for him. Not like this. Not while she's so far away even though their hips touched, her knees grazing his, her curly waves on his shoulder. She was too far.

He pulls her closer, and her eyes widen. She's scared. So is he. He might be the king of horror, but this between them made his heartbeat skip as it hammered against his chest. He couldn't breath. Not like this. And he really needed to breath. Somehow he knew how. What he needed to do. And that fear in his chest, wasn't going away until he did it. He did the only thing he could think of to ease him out of it. "I'm going to kiss you now." He whispers. Surely she would stop him. Move away, scream at him, slap him. Instead, her eyes open up to him, and she says "okay" so softly. His heart skips a beat at what she implies after what he implied. His chest swells, and he gives in. The moment his lips touches hers, she jumps back and slaps him. Hard.

When he looks at her, she's distraught, the tears falling freely from her eyes. Shaking her head she breathes deep. "Don't do that again." She whispers, her lips trembling.

He touches his cheek. It hurts. "Why?"

She crosses her arms, hugging herself as if to hold on to her courage. "Because..." He walks towards her while she takes a step back. "Derek!"

It takes him a minute to realize what he was doing. What they were doing. It wasn't right. It wasn't expected. What was he thinking? He always prided himself for following the norm to the letter, not going against it. Without a second thought, he walked past her and out his door, slamming it shut behind him.

He needed to think.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N - So sorry for taking such a long time with this. I wanted to finish my other LWD fic before I continued this. I know it may seem really confusing, and Derek slightly out of character (kinda) but he has a reason for acting like this. I promise. Also, all will be revealed soon... :)**

**Please tell me what you think.**

***************

He's had this routine. When Edwin was first brought from the hospital, he had been unhappy at the lack of attention placed on him. It started innocently enough. First he would hide the milk bottles, then hide the baby under a blanket, until finally throwing a glass of water onto his dark head to see if the child could by any chance swim. When his little sister arrived for the first time, he found her fascinating. He didn't try to hurt her or drown her. But he did feel the need to steal her toys in an effort to get back the attention he lost.

Years later... the newer Venturi stared at him with big, familiar blue eyes. Arms reaching out with curiosity in it's gaze. The setting was the same. Mother, father, siblings, child. However, the people, were different. The woman, new. The siblings, new. Him, older. He had been the last to 'coo' over the child, who reminded him of the union between Nora and his father. He doesn't know what to feel. Or how he should feel. With an interest worthy of an explorer, he held out his own hand, his breath pausing when the tiny fingers fist around his own.

Yes, he finds the child fascinating.

He blocked out everything else. The excited chattering expressed by his siblings and younger step-sister as they circled around Nora. The tired sigh-es of the parents of this new born baby as they relived the events of last night. Everything around him blurred into a haze. Everything... except a feeling.

His eyes rose from the tiny toddler only to fall on the one person who stood watching him from across the room. Their eyes met. Her face is impassive. So was his. They hadn't spoken in weeks. They had avoided each other any chance they got. It took something this monumental for each to place down their guard for a few minutes and let their presence be known in one place at the same time.

She was the first to look away. Her gaze falling on the baby for a minute before her face split into a grin and she faced her mother. Questions spilling out of her so effortlessly that no one, save him, would know of it's rehearsed nature.

Turning back to the toddler, he gazed in envy at the tiny thing. What he wouldn't give to be a child. Ignorant. And happy. And not fearing for what the future would bring.

* * *

When she first sits next to him, her legs crossed, her gaze watching strangers with interest, he thinks that maybe, a truce was in order. Personally, he wanted to hold back. He was never more stubborn than when he was with her.

Sighing, he leans back. And he doesn't even notice his knee bounce in agitation until her hand firmly rests on him. His eyes fall on her slim fingers on his leg before they meet hers again.

"I still haven't forgiven you." She whispers softly. Her eyes concentrating on his shoulder.

"I haven't forgiven you either."

Her lips quirk slightly before she releases him from her hold. He tries to pretend that he doesn't miss her touch. They stay silent for a while, neither willing to bring up the real reason they had to talk.

It was she who broke the silent first. "What do we do?"

And the thing is, he feels as hopeless as she sounds. "I don't know."

"Do we tell them?"

He looks at her briefly, before his eyes follows her gaze to rest on a family of four across the hallway. "I don't know."

After another moment, she sighed in defeat. "I better get going." Rising, she dusted her top. Her fingers shaking just slightly. He watched her as she started moving away, her body pausing as she turned to face him. "I'm going tomorrow. Thought you should know."

He nods. Her meaning too clear to ignore. "I'll be there."

She smiles slightly before she turns on her heel and leaves. He watches her disappear around the corner before he lets out a low breath. His hands rubbing his face in frustration. How they get themselves into these type of messes, he will never understand.

* * *

He remembers the most ridiculous things about his childhood. The fights, the neglect, ultimately, everything ending in divorce.

Things have changed since then. He never thought he would end up here. Unhappy at the prospect of a little brother. It made him sick to his stomach. How could he not want something so innocent? So frail?

He hated himself. He hated his thoughts. And he knew she had those same thoughts. Was that not how she looked when she had seen him in the room? Her eyes betraying the same ideas he tried so hard to stifle within him?

Times like this, he understood hating one simple moment in time. If that wedding hadn't happen, they wouldn't be here, like this, praying for redemption.

****************

**A/N - Right. So...I know you're probably speculating as to what's happening. And I gladly say, speculate away :) It just might give me help with this plot bunny. **


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N - Long time no update, I know.. Sorry about that. I was in a very angsty mood and just had to write this down. One question will be answered in this chapter. The main issue between these two. As for what Derek did to get that first confrontation in chapter 1, still to come. **

**I do not own Life With Derek.**

**Enjoy!**

It's tomorrow. If he's being completely technical (which he isn't). Sighing, he turned off the ignition of the car and leaned back, his eyes warily straying from the dashboard to the building in front of him. Part of him makes the mental effort to place his hand on the car door handle. All he had to do was step out of the car. The other part of him, clenches his fist around the metal thing and doesn't let go. He doesn't want to do this. It's not in his nature. With another sigh, he lets go.

Coward Derek, one. Brave Derek, zero.

The time on his wrist watch tells him he's two minutes late. Shrugging, he turns on the radio and waits. Late is late, no point in going in now.

He's good at making excuses like that.

* * *

He's no longer in the car when she walks out. He's leaning against the hood, hands in his pockets. She falters at the sight of him.

"You came." She's startled. He likes that.

"Yeah. You _did_ invite me."

"Sure. Because this is a social call." She runs her hand warily though her hair, her sarcastic tone anything but friendly.

He stays silent for a second. "How did it go?"

Her eyes narrow at him suspiciously. "How I thought it would go."

She makes a move to side step around him, but he blocks her in. "What did he say?" He doesn't flinch when she glares at him, instead, he stares her down.

With a sigh of defeat, her shoulders sag. "We have options. Deadline is in three weeks."

"That's...good. Options." He can't help but repeat it softly to himself, as he mulls it around his head. Options. Always a good word to hear. His eyes fall on her features which were schooled in a strangely detached nature. He doesn't like that. "What do you think?"

She's startled out of her thoughts before she sighs again. She does that a lot these days. "I don't know. I thought we could discuss it, together..." Her eyes met his. "But you didn't come."

He hated getting accused. "I came." He said forcefully. "I just couldn't..."

"Come inside?"

He has to force down the impulse to drop his head. "But I came."

"Yeah...well...It's great that you did but..." Shaking her head, she moved around him. "I can do this by myself, thanks." Her tone is cutting, and bitter, and it slices through him like a knife.

He grabs her arm. "Casey-"

She shrugs easily out of his grasp. "_What_?"

He doesn't like this guilt thing. "I'm sorry, alright? I'm not really the type to be involved in something like...this."

Her eyes narrow in anger. "And I am?" He opens his mouth to reply, but she cuts him off. "And don't you _dare_ say I am. I may be a woman, but that doesn't mean I'm equipped to handle this. I'm not as detached as you."

"I'm detached?" He said roughly, his anger rising. "_I'm_ the detached one? You're the one who just won't talk to me." She turned her head away from him, but he stayed adamant, his frustration far from being satisfactorily and fully ranted out. "I've been trying. I know it's not the best, and I know that it annoys you to hell, but what do you expect when you won't even look at me?"

"Derek-"

"I'm not the one who's not communicating here, you are."

That did it. Her anger seemed to increase ten-fold. "You want communication? Fine. I'm pregnant with my step-brother's baby. And that's just fine." She said sarcastically. "Except for that teensy tiny thing that we have a brother. How's that for family bonding?"

He felt the anger she was dealing out to him. "You can't be mad at me for this. It's not just my fault."

"You think I don't know that?" She snapped. "I blame myself everyday for this. God!" Her fingers lightly grazed her forehead as she took a shuddering breath. "I wish this had never happened."

Realization dawned. "You made your decision, haven't you?" He didn't mean it, but his tone came out more bitter than he expected.

Her silence however, confirmed it.

"That's great, Case. Just kill a life like that."

Her head snapped up at his tone. "You think this is easy for me? You're not the one who has to live through this, I am. You don't get to judge."

"But I _do_ get a say."

"Which you gave up when you said you'll support whatever decision I make."

"That was before I found out that you had already made up your mind before talking to me."

She eyed him warily. "Is this what it's about? You're mad that I didn't _talk _to you?" She sounded like a kinder garden teacher placating a child for a ridiculous feeling.

Frustrated, he rubbed his hands over his face. "No. I'm mad, because not only do you show no sense of consideration, but you're far from remorseful."

He did it again. He insulted her. Her eyes glared at him, pain hidden in their depths. "This is the hardest decision I have ever had to make. And you're not any help."

"But I _want_ to be." He said desperately.

"Really?" She snapped, her tone bitter. "Because you couldn't even get out of the car."

He faltered slightly. "I want you to keep the baby."

She stared at him, her eyes wide in incredulity. "What?" She whispered it, and he could swear he heard a tinge of hope.

He took a step towards her, her expression giving him a swell of confidence that he didn't really feel. "I want you to keep the baby." His voice was forceful when he said it, even though truthfully, he didn't know if he really wanted this.

"Derek-" She shook her head like she couldn't believe it to be true.

"Casey." He said her name soothingly, as he placed his hands lightly on her shoulders. "This is your decision, but I just wanted you to know that I want you to keep it."

She looked at him, her eyes scrutinizing his. "Are you serious?"

He smirked. "Does Ed look ridiculous in a Superman costume?"

Her lips quirked slightly upwards, her eyes silently thanking him for this. "Then I guess...I'll think about it." He smiled. At least he can do something she wanted. She suddenly stepped away from him. "I better go. I have...work..."

"Yeah." He shoved his hands in his pockets to stop the impulse to pull her towards him. "I'll call you."

She shook her head distractedly, her eyes avoiding his. "Sure." And just like that, she walked away.

With a sigh, he got into his car and started the engine before changing his mind and slumping against the seat. He hated this. He hated how everything has gotten complicated. He also hated the fact that he didn't like any of the options they had. Telling his parents, making his little brother a freak, and raising a kid with a person who obviously hates him, versus losing his kid. With another defeated sigh, he started the ignition and reversed out of there.

He _hated_ his life right now.

**A/N 2-Please tell me what you think. It's the first time I'm writing this style, as well as a new angst-filled plot line. **


End file.
